Monday, January 23, 2012
GIANT Weekend
As I sit here at my desk (read: my place of indentured servitude), I am reminded of a time when life was simpler. Go to school, listen, come home, do homework, read a book, go to sleep **repeat** Now... notsomuch **sigh**
At any rate... pay day is looming ever so near on the horizon and I honestly can't get to it fast enough. Not to pay the bills that have been lurking like a toxic cloud over my head, but to go to a restaurant that doesn't have a drive thru window for once. YAYY!!!!!!!!!!
My Giants won last night in a stunner over the 49ers
This had the promise to be a really good blog post as I was in a pretty reflctive mood earlier, but... maybe later.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Anyone There? Can You Hear Me Now?
**sigh** I am continually amazed and downright awestruck by the frequent and always fucking FANTSMIC postings of my friend over at www.liquorloansandlove.com, so... I have decided to resume my own feeble attempts at chronicling this, my so-called life. I have literally NO MEMORY of how to even formulate a blog post, so bear (is that right? It looks wrong) with me. But if you're still here in a few weeks, I should have it together by then. Welcome **back*
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Monday, May 4, 2009
What in the...
Can somebody PLEASE explain to me how to get this on my Facebook page? I need it to live.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I am Getting There.... Slowly
Man... I really don't know how I used to do it. I don't know if I never really had anything interesting to say before and I just faked it, or if my life USED to be interesting and now it's not. But every time I sit down in front of the computer to blog, this is what I hear...
**cricket cricket**
Plus nobody is really reading anymore anyway (thanks to my ridiculous three month hiatus), sooooo... I appealed to my funnier half (no really, she's like HALF of me, LOL) to supply me with some topics to blog about. And the first of these is:
5 Inappropriate Places I Think About Sex
1. The nail salon. Ridiculous, no? But seriously, think about it. If your nail salon is any good, you're all relaxed into this cushy chair, Ming Na has massaged your neck and shoulders to within an inch of orgasm, and then... then you hear the drill. Now if you haven't had any in a while like me, then the drill reminds you of vibrators. And vibrators remind you of.... SEX!!! I rest my case.
2. The Holland Tunnel. Honestly, the Holland (or the HELL-and as I like to call it) isn't really the place for any kind of momentary loss of concentration. One false move, and you've plowed into the side wall, and there are 8millions metric gallons of dirty Hudson River water pouring in to provide you with a watery grave (complete with rats to expedite the decay process). But forgive me, sometimes I can't help myself. I am stuck in traffic just inside the opening to the tunnel and my mind starts to wander... and if you know me AT ALL, you know that the first place it goes is to sex. **shrug** What??? The tunnel is a phallic symbol.
3. The grocery store. This should be pretty self explanatory.. all the cucumbers and bananas and... hold please.
**running off to take a cold shower**
Okay, I am back. Really, though. What is more inappropriate than pushing a grocery cart up and down the aisles of the A&P and having to brace yourself against the Glory Greens to ride out the shockwave of an orgasm memory? Exactly, nothing. Inappropriate.
4. GYN office. Now this place is just plain wrong. While one would think that simply being on the gynecologist's table with your pants off and your legs gaped open while your feet are held hostage in a pair of leather stirrups would automatically place your libido on "hibernate," there's always an oddball in the bunch. And nothing, I mean NOTHING spells inapporpriate like the doctor saying "okay now I am going to press down here" and your back arches up like an angry housecat. Please do not think about sex at the GYN.
5. Church. I am pretty sure that I am going to hell for this one, but honesty is the middle name of this blog (actually it's "Of a Professional," but whatever...) When the middle aged woman with the tambourine welded to her left palm suddnly jumps up in the middle of the sermon and yells "HALLELUJAH!!!" I bet yall thought she was filled with the Holy Ghost Yeah... no. Number one, she isn't middle aged, she's 31 (middle age starts at 35). Number two, she's only holding the tambo because it's real owner is SOOOOOO obnoxious with it. And number three, it isn't the Holy Ghost she's thinking about being filled with....
**heh heh heh**
Okay, that woman is me.
**cricket cricket**
Plus nobody is really reading anymore anyway (thanks to my ridiculous three month hiatus), sooooo... I appealed to my funnier half (no really, she's like HALF of me, LOL) to supply me with some topics to blog about. And the first of these is:
5 Inappropriate Places I Think About Sex
1. The nail salon. Ridiculous, no? But seriously, think about it. If your nail salon is any good, you're all relaxed into this cushy chair, Ming Na has massaged your neck and shoulders to within an inch of orgasm, and then... then you hear the drill. Now if you haven't had any in a while like me, then the drill reminds you of vibrators. And vibrators remind you of.... SEX!!! I rest my case.
2. The Holland Tunnel. Honestly, the Holland (or the HELL-and as I like to call it) isn't really the place for any kind of momentary loss of concentration. One false move, and you've plowed into the side wall, and there are 8millions metric gallons of dirty Hudson River water pouring in to provide you with a watery grave (complete with rats to expedite the decay process). But forgive me, sometimes I can't help myself. I am stuck in traffic just inside the opening to the tunnel and my mind starts to wander... and if you know me AT ALL, you know that the first place it goes is to sex. **shrug** What??? The tunnel is a phallic symbol.
3. The grocery store. This should be pretty self explanatory.. all the cucumbers and bananas and... hold please.
**running off to take a cold shower**
Okay, I am back. Really, though. What is more inappropriate than pushing a grocery cart up and down the aisles of the A&P and having to brace yourself against the Glory Greens to ride out the shockwave of an orgasm memory? Exactly, nothing. Inappropriate.
4. GYN office. Now this place is just plain wrong. While one would think that simply being on the gynecologist's table with your pants off and your legs gaped open while your feet are held hostage in a pair of leather stirrups would automatically place your libido on "hibernate," there's always an oddball in the bunch. And nothing, I mean NOTHING spells inapporpriate like the doctor saying "okay now I am going to press down here" and your back arches up like an angry housecat. Please do not think about sex at the GYN.
5. Church. I am pretty sure that I am going to hell for this one, but honesty is the middle name of this blog (actually it's "Of a Professional," but whatever...) When the middle aged woman with the tambourine welded to her left palm suddnly jumps up in the middle of the sermon and yells "HALLELUJAH!!!" I bet yall thought she was filled with the Holy Ghost Yeah... no. Number one, she isn't middle aged, she's 31 (middle age starts at 35). Number two, she's only holding the tambo because it's real owner is SOOOOOO obnoxious with it. And number three, it isn't the Holy Ghost she's thinking about being filled with....
**heh heh heh**
Okay, that woman is me.
Friday, April 17, 2009
The humpty dance is your chance to do the hump... do it baby... do the humpty hump come on and do the humpty hump. White people... Black people... Puerto Ricans... Samoans...
**giggle**
When he gets to Samoans, it cracks me up EVERY time. That song was on the radio when I got into my rental car in Phoenix... an old school hip hop station in the East Valley of Arizona... LOVE!!!! So I just got back from a much needed spa trip to Sedona, Arizona- good times were had by all.
Besides the unseasonably cold weather in the mountains (high 30s), it really was a wonderful trip. The food was good and healthy and the spa was DIVINE... just needed a couple more days... who am I kidding? Even if I had been there for three weeks, I'd still be complaning that it was too short, LOL
**giggle**
When he gets to Samoans, it cracks me up EVERY time. That song was on the radio when I got into my rental car in Phoenix... an old school hip hop station in the East Valley of Arizona... LOVE!!!! So I just got back from a much needed spa trip to Sedona, Arizona- good times were had by all.
Besides the unseasonably cold weather in the mountains (high 30s), it really was a wonderful trip. The food was good and healthy and the spa was DIVINE... just needed a couple more days... who am I kidding? Even if I had been there for three weeks, I'd still be complaning that it was too short, LOL
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